Life Changes

Uncertainty...it's not a good feeling. It's amazing how when one area of your life seems to work out, another part tends to go haywire. Has there ever been a time in your life where everything was going right??? I've come to the conclusion that it's just not possible. You can come close to that perfect happiness but you can never completely reach it. I'm not saying this to be negative...but on some level I do believe this is true. I mean think about it...if everything was right in life then God would not be able to show up in our lives and teach us the things that are vital...just a thought.

Life has thrown me and my family a curve ball. It's been in the making for a while but I guess I never thought that it would truly effect us. And now that it is...I don't know how I feel. There is no strong emotion that I can point out. The only thing I can think is...WHY NOW??? At this point I choose not to freak out because I've learned that is does no good, but the complete uncertainty of how my family and I will come out of this is frustrating. To think that we've been through this same storm for two years now is....I can't even describe in words. But then I must also admit that the blessings that has come out of this have been wonderful. Even today I received a great blessing that I've been waiting on...a car!!! Now it's not mine...but my older sister was gracious enough to let me use her car the remaining time I'm in college while she is overseas in the Navy. An even better blessing is that it gives me the chance to save money so that I can buy a decent car after I graduate...I must say THANK YOU GOD!

But it still continues to be hard throughout this uncertainty. And yet the only thing I can wonder is...God what are You trying to teach me and my family? It's a challenge when you're so ready to move on to better things but it just doesn't seem to be happening. But just like I tell myself in other situations...maybe it's just not time yet because God may not come when we want Him to BUT HE'S ALWAYS ON TIME. It's funny how it's so easy to preach something to others but it's difficult to teach yourself the very same thing. The only thing I know to do is pray. I feel that this has been a constant test of my faith but I'm grateful for the small blessings and even the big ones at times that God sees fit to bestow on me and my family. I think it's His way of saying "all in due time." And in the meantime all I can do is be patient and and grow in Him. I must admit I've lost sight of God...I've let distractions come in...my desires have steered me in other directions. But I'm determined to get it right.

So...uncertainty??? Yeah it's a definite pain in the butt and it leaves me feeling uncomfortable, but it sets me exactly in the spot that God needs me to be in. And although I may not agree with it...wherever He needs me to be is where I want to be so that my family and I can experience every blessing that He is ultimately leading us to. I just pray that we, especially me, will be in tune with God so that He may lead us. 

--> J. Lowe